Songs & Stories

Dr. Chark Nobel Prize winning study on HyperPoopilasia

Approved-By: "Dr. Chark"
Date: Fri, 27 Mar 1998 03:04:35 -0500
From: "Dr. Chark"
Subject: HyperPoopilasia (was: Uterine cancer revisitied.)
To: Multiple recipients of list PETBUNNY <PETBUNNY@LSV.UKY.EDU>

The original data is as follows:

Pooping Age	<1 yr	1-3 yr	>3 yr
In SO's Cereal Bowl	72	20	7
InHisShoe :
HyperPoopilasia	36	42	999,999
AgainSmearedOnHisCarcassonoma	-	6	9
OtherUnmentionablePlaces	1	2	-

OK, on a whim I started playing.

I assigned the following numbers to the data:
1- In SO's Cereal Bowl
2- InHisShoe HyperPoopilasia
3- AgainSmearedOnHisCarcassonoma
4- OtherUnmentionablePlaces

I chose the Man-Really Stank sum statistical test. For two reasons, a) it's the one that makes my poops look most impressive because it measures changes in a poopulation volume, b) it is not affected by poop size (it takes poop size into account even if I've eaten oat hay, in other words) and can be used for cecaltropes of different sizes, consitencies, and odors. Man-Really Stank measures the degree of squishiness between two toes, for this special biological function you are going to have abnormal deviation, M-RS takes that into account by skewing cecal shape towards oval. I can explain the test more if people really want me to, but *I* don't want to, so there, go away. Tough Buns don't explain. Too bad. I did the following comparisons between the data:

Comparison	Poop value	(measures significance <0.05 is statistically meaningful)
<1 vs 1-3	p < 0.0001	(most tasty with Fruit Loops)
<1 vs >3	p = 0.0011	(indistinguishable from Cocoa Puffs)
<1 vs >1	p < 0.0001	(creates chocolate milk in cereal bowl)
1-3 vs >3	p = 0.2328	(smelly, but not statistically significant)
<3 vs >3	p = 0.0068	(got caught in SO's throat, choked, died. Ciao!)

These are the same sorts of statistics I perform on my own poops, er, research. These are publishable but difficult to read because they smear on paper and jam xerox machines. It's clear there is a difference in the incidence of poop distribution abnormality as a rabbit ages. Rabbits get smarter, generate more "data" of larger diameters, and humiliate SOs to a greater extent. A very clear difference indeed. HAR-HAR.

Dr. Chark, Cecaltropologist