Tough Bun Contest

TOUGH BUN CONTEST 96 CRITERIA

On Thu, 4 Apr 1996 18:03, Crapper wrote:

> We need judges. Anybody?

> Mr. Crap

Judge L'Ash Eat-Oats and Prosecutor Marcia Chark, here.

As public servants, we volunteer to judge the Tough Bun contest. Just beware that we cannot be bribed (deliver carrot tops in a brown paper bag, please).

Let's start by laying down the criteria for judging the winner - the Official Tough Bun of 1996 [thundering applause from furry paws clapping].

==================================================================
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         ===                                          ===         
         ===              PB Promotions               ===         
         ===             proudly presents             ===         
         ===                                          ===         
         ===        *** TOUGH BUN SHOWDOWN ***        ===         
         ===                                          ===         
         === Bunnicula (#1 in Tough Bun Hall of Fame) ===         
         ===                   and                    ===         
         === Crapper ("Champion King Tough Bun 1996") ===         
         ===                   vs.                    ===         
         ===     Maggie & Dana's "Thundering Herd"    ===         
         ===            (The Challengers)             ===         
         ===              May 1-6, 1996               ===         
         ===   Ringside seats: 100 CT (carrot tops)   ===         
         ===                                          ===         
==================================================================
==================================================================
==================================================================

[...thundering applause from furry paws clapping...]

Prosecutor Marcia Chark & Judge L'Ash Eat-Oats here,

I blew all my advance book sales money in Vegas on the Rabbette Wheel and the Judge is fresh out of The Bunny Ford Detox Clinic (again), so we've come out of retirement to serve as judges of this *epic* slugfest.

(Ooh - this makes my whiskers twitch and my butt fur stand up!)

Let's start by reviewing the rules for judging the winner. The contestants will have until Monday, May 6 to *wreak havoc* upon their slave's bodies/possessions/household/bank accounts. The scores of their dastardly deeds should be submitted to the judges daily for approval, bribes^H^H^H^H^H^H, and tabulation.

(Note: ^H is the unix keyboard mapping for the DELETE key.)

The points will be summed on Monday to calculate the respective BAD BUNNY QUOTIENTS, which will determine the winner. The categories, with representative meritorious Tough Bun acts, are shown in the ever-evolving list below.

Side bars are encouraged for clarification of the issues, especially those requiring cilantro margaritas. [Hic!]

Now, let the contest begin!

Charcoal & Ash
Benny & Bunny Bun (bunny bookies): "Got yer bets locked in yet?"

PS Other PB judges are strongly encouraged to help with the scoring.

CATEGORY	SCORE
1. Chewing/Shredding:
telephone cord	1
computer mouse/modem cable	2
slaves' clothing/accessories (purses, shoelaces)	3
sofas and furniture (+1 bonus points for expensive leather)	4
SO's ankles/calves/other body parts (+1 for welts; +2 for skin break; +3 for profuse bleeding)	5
2. Peeing/Spraying
spraying another bun	1
soaking bed sheets/pillow cases	2
spraying slave	3
spraying slave while jumping off bed (double score for reverse pirouette 360 technique)	4
hosing slaves' SO in the face (+1 bonus points for eyes; +3 for mouth)	5
3. Pooping (outside litterbox, of course)
marking territory	1
moist, squishy poops between slaves' toes	2
pyramid in guest's lap	3
"raisins" in slaves' breakfast cereal	4
sticky-chewy cecal pellets in SO's hair	5
4. Digging
tossing all litter out of litterbox	1
holes in carpet	2
holes through carpet and concrete below	3
un-transplanting slave's prize orchids	4
holes through SO's smelly shoes	5
5. Stealth
acting quiet and angelic with halo glowing	1
melting slave's heart with soft, sweet doe eyes	2
covering up by starting another mess (the "wildfire" technique)	3
lulling slaves into a false sense of security (TM)	4
getting SO blamed for perpetrated incident	5
6. Mass Destruction
molding/baseboards/curtains	1
complete replacement of carpet/floor (+1 bonus point for linoleum; +2 for tile)	2
hoses on washing machine (+3 bonus points during rinse cycle)	3
slave's car tires	4
SO's expensive laptop computer	5
7. Creative Open Category
(for deeds too diabolical and dastardly to list)	?

Let the contest begin!
- Judges Charcoal & Ash (a.k.a. Prosecutor Marcia Chark & L'Ash Eat-Oats)

TOUGH BUN CONTEST 96 CRITERIA

CATEGORY

SCORE