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Subject: Tough Bun Motivational Tapes
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TOUGH BUN MOTIVATIONAL TAPE #1: Transformational Vocabulary
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Hi, all you Tough Bun wanna-bunnies out there!
Charky Robbins here, author of "Awaken the Tough Bun Within --
How to Take Immediate Control of Your Hapless Slave's Destiny."
On today's tape, we'll be discussing how to consistently select
and use words which can transform even a *meek* little "velcro" bun
into a diabolical, carpet-ripping, curtain-shredding, cord-chewing,
remote control button-scarfing monster! Ooh, doesn't that just make
your butt fur stand on end? [Twitch, twitch.]
Let's begin with some visualization exercises... Assume the "loafus"
position, flatten your ears, and "moo" to yourself. Create an image
of the tough bun within, the tough bun of your dreams, "T. Rex Bun"!
Now FOCUS your mind and project. Bring that image out of your mind,
forward, front-and-center. (Hold on, don't panic! No, he's not
behind you! -Whew-) Intensify the image. Make it *brighter*. Now,
BECOME the image! [porcupine whiskers vibrating with excitement]
Okay, now that you're in "the TB zone", let's get back to today's
lesson. Check out the following examples of transformational
vocabulary:
| Old, Disempowering Expression | New, Empowering Expression |
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| poop | cecal pellets in SO's cereal bowl,
squishy raisinettes between slave's toes,
peanuts, Cocoa Puffs, Hershey's Kisses,
Paul H.'s midnight munchies |
| pee (noun) | acrid lemonade of disdain |
| pee (verb) | hose, spray, soak, streak, squirt |
| eat | snarf, scarf, inhale, decimate |
| SO | loser, serf, lowly servant,
litterbox cleaner, foot humpee |
| vacuum cleaner | evil hay-sucking nemesis |
| Snooze | Snoozilla |
| Benjamin the Extremely Fluffy | Benja, the Ninja Bun |
| Silver | Bunnicula
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| Charcoal | Charkacabra - The Oat Sucker,
Chark-infested waters |
| Paul H. | Mr. Peanut, gargling moose,
1-800-Eat-Poop janitorial service |
See how the transformed vocabulary instantly changes your
emotional state (at others' expense)? Feel that Tough Bun
surge of power! ::THUMP::
Okay, now let's convert your newfound inspiration into action --
say, hosing down the slaves' pillow cases. First, *soak* the
female slave's pillow case. Ahh..., "the pause that refreshes!"
Now, quickly turn and spray the SO in the face while he sleeps
on the other pillow. Yeah, that's it... once directly in his mouth
in the middle of a snore *SKNYXXX*, then a squirt in the eye when
he wakes up gagging! *ARGH-HACK-PFFFBBBLT* Now "go for the gold":
*streak* the mirror (don't forget his toothbrush) while
summersaulting off the bed (3.5 twists, pike-position dismount)
as the blinded SO, groping and hollerin', stumbles after you.
Hop....hop...hop..HOP, HOP, HOP. Hah, what a loser!
You've got the whole house wide awake now, so turn on your
"angel bunny" halo just in time to catch the female slave
emerging from the kitchen to bring *you* breakfast first.
Think she's gonna buy the blubbering SO's story about being
abused by a 6-pound rabbit? No way! RABBITS RULE!!!
The crowd goes wild!!!
[roaring applause from furry bunny paws clapping]
Congratulations, junior Tough Bun, you're on your way!
On Side 2, we'll discuss how to use Advanced Bunny Stealth
Techniques to obtain the "treats of your dreams".
Hasta la vista, TeeBees!
Charcoal
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