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TEETH TIME TV SHOW: Charky's and Ash's guest appearance
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Date: Wed, 31 Dec 1997 20:13:59 -0500
From: Cristina Forbes
Subject: TEETH TIME TV SHOW: Charky's guest appearance
To: Multiple recipients of list PETBUNNY <PETBUNNY@LSV.UKY.EDU>
Backstage in the green room (cilantro-colored wallpaper)...
CHARKY [suave, licking wallpaper]: Oh, Princess Marti, you are so beautiful
[DROOL].
ASHY [disgusted]: C'mon, Charky we have to go, they're calling us.
CHARKY [panting]: It must be *destiny* that brought us to the TV show at
the same time, Princess.
ASHY: Gag, Charky, stop that [biting Charky's tail], we're on!
CHARKY: Ouchhhhhhhhhhhh!!!
MS. SINBAD: We are happy to have you here today as guests on the TV show
"Teeth Time".
ASHY: Hello, Ms. Sinbad, nice to be here.
MS. SINBAD: So what can you teach all the buns out there about "Caulking
Windows with Cecal Pellets", Mr. Chark?
CHARKY: Er... uh... well, as you know, we bunnies are cecaltrophes, uh,
that means we eat our own, well..., you know, to get the vitamins, uh...
ASHY: You're *bombing* in front of an international TV audience, Chark, and
besides your breath stinks. Do something!
CHARKY: [GULP] First, you have to drink a couple of cilantro margaritas to
get the right amount of moisture in the cecal pellets. Do you want me to
demonstrate?
MS. SINBAD: Please, bring Mr. Chark some cilantro margaritas. There you
are. Is that okay? All of you buns at home, get your slave to whip you up
some cilantro margaritas *pronto* and follow along.
AUDIENCE [blenders whirring]: Slurrrrrrppp.
CHARKY: [SIP] Perfect. You too, Ms. Sinbad, you have to drink some too!
MS. SINBAD: Me? Er... well... ok.... [SIP] [SIP] [SIP]
CHARKY: Now that you are hydrated, you should start feeling a certain,
uhmmm, pressure, yeah, internal pressure building up. OK, here we go, nice
and moist and smelly, see? Excellent for either window caulk or tile grout.
AUDIENCE: Oooh, ahhh... Bravisimo!
CHARKY [bowing]: Thank you, thank you. Now roll it to form a long ribbon.
Then sneak over to a window sill that you've been munching lately. Slowly
press the gluey "gack" into the holes you've been working on the past
couple of days - the ones that have driven up the home heating bill to
astronomical amounts. Yes, just like that, good.
MS. SINBAD: Impressive technique, Mr. Chark. Is this caulk suitable for
repairing the slaves' sneakers too?
CHARKY: Oh, yes, of course, and replacing the rubber buttons on the remote
control. [SQUISH] This is a *miracle* substance, which has even been known
to grow hair on the SO's bald head. "Caulk THIS, Rogaine Boy!"
AUDIENCE [furry feets kicking into the air]: HAR-HAR-HAR!
MS. SINBAD: A gorgeous chestnut brown. Does it always turn the SO's face so
red?
CHARKY: Just a temporary side effect. It goes away, once all the steam
comes out of his ears.
AUDIENCE [making a train sound]: Whooo-hooo!
MS. SINBAD: Ahem, now back to caulking windows...
CHARKY: Yes, remember to create a smooth finish. Get one of your slaves'
soup spoons from the kitchen. Alright. Now use the back side of the spoon
to smooth out the cecal caulking. That's right. Now, take the spoon back to
the kitchen.
MS. SINBAD: To the kitchen?
CHARKY: Yes, but don't worry about washing it, simply drop it into the SO's
cereal bowl for breakfast. Extra vitamins. "Dear, I didn't know that Grape
Nuts comes with raisins now."
AUDIENCE: What a moron, what a loser - that SO! Ha-ha-ha.
MS. SINBAD: That looks wonderful [HIC] and smells even better. Wait till
your slaves see this job, fellow HandyBuns. You will be rewarded with extra
treats. We must break for a commercial now...
COMMERCIAL: Lonely in your litterbox? Tired of munching carpet alone? Got
those Laxatone blues? Is your idea of a good date snuggling with the
slaves' Bugs Bunny slippers? Add some hip to your hop, some twitch to your
butt fur! For your perfect hare, call 1-800-bun-love. Sexy does and studly
bucks standing by for your call.
MS. SINBAD: We're back on "Teeth Time" with the Jr. Tough Buns. So now, Mr.
Ashford, how do you poop in heat/AC registers so efficiently?
ASHY: First, make sure that the vents are wide open and no one is watching.
The important thing, which many buns are not aware of, is to choose a
register directly over the furnace.
MS. SINBAD: Why is that?
ASHY: Burning poop makes a fine incense. I call this air freshener Forest
Floor. Quite aromatic - the perfect rustic smell for the slaves' bridge
parties. "There's Immodium-AD in the medicine chest, Alice." HAR-HAR.
MS. SINBAD: Oh, you guys are soooo knowledgeable. We learned a lot today,
haven't we, audience?
AUDIENCE: Yeahhhhhh! [furry paws clapping thunderously]
MS. SINBAD: Now on to our next guest, Princess Marti.
CHARKY: Princess Martiiiiiiiiiiii, ohhhhhhhhh. [DROOL]
ASHY: Bleah. Stop grovelling, Chark, we're on the air.
BUNNYGUARD [with Shepard's hook]: Let's take you to the other room!
CHARKY: No, no, I want to see my Princess...
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