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Uncle Paul sets the record straight
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To: PETBUNNY@lsv.uky.edu
Subject: Re: Uncle Paul sets the record straight
On Sat, 13 July 1996, Mr. Peanut wrote:
> Ooooookay.... uh.... I call this one "Uncle Paul sets the
> record straight."
TEE-HEE. We are "all ears", Uncle Paul!
> One day, some of the staff (well, a lot of the staff) were
> holding one of our periodic seminars, this time on the
> subject of composting.
Composting -- we know all about that! Your stomach is kinda
like a compost bin, isn't it, Uncle Paul? TEE-HEE.
Charky, shut up and listen!
> that uses red wiggler worms to convert organic
> garbage to a useful soil amendment called worm castings -- i.e.,
> worm poop!
Warm poop, we can give you some of that!
No, Charky, ya dufus, *worm* poop.
Eeewww..., YUCK-O, Uncle Paul!
> At any rate, at one point, he said, "Rabbits, for example,
> always retrace their steps on a trail. That's because they
> have to go back and eat their own feces."
WE don't go back, we just leave them there for someone to pick
up while they are eating peanuts. Sorta like Hansel & Gretel
leaving bread crumbs for birds. TEE HEE.
> Well! Needless to say, everyone in the seminar started up
> with the usual "Eat their own feces! Yuck!"
Did you tell them, Uncle Paul, how tasty they are? Especially
the ones with the soft chewy centers? TEE-HEE.
> So I spoke up quickly and clearly, saying, "Hold on a sec,
> that's not quite the whole story! Rabbits do *not* eat their
> own feces. However, they do produce *cecal pellets*
Yeah, those Tootsie Roll pops!
> in the *cecum*, which is an organ...." etc. at length.
Uncle Paul, do humans have a *fecum*?
> I wish you could have seen how the entire seminar hung on
> my every word --
Just like us, Uncle Paul!
> never had they heard of the wonders of cecal pellets, the
> complexity of the bunny's digestive system, the
> elegance
Damn straight!
> of the entire process whereby a humble diet of grasses and weeds is transformed into
> a nourishing provender.
More fiber than peanuts! You certainly have a way with words,
Uncle Paul, your love of poop really shines through (even where
the sun doesn't shine)!
> I was amazed at my own eloquence as I set forth each
> detail in its proper order.
Go, Uncle Paul, go! You're on a roll...
> Ah, but the crowning touch came at the end,
Yes???
> ...THROUGH THE ANUS, WHERE THEY ARE DIRECTLY CONSUMED BY
> THE RABBIT AND REDIGESTED.
Oh, my! You are very *direct*, Uncle Paul!
> What awestruck silence followed; the participants were
> virtually stunned by this new knowledge.
And well they should be -- we're awesome varmits!
> Finally, after a full half minute, the seminar leader humbly
> cleared his throat and resumed in a subdued voice: "Ummmm,
> yes. Well, about composting..."
A real "party stopper", huh, Uncle Paul? Were you wearing a
lampshade on your head at the time?
Those "worm people" seem a bit anal retentive. Next time
take us, Uncle Paul, we'll serve the hors d'vours!!!
A few bunny berries on a Ritz cracker should "loosen"
them up. A fine caviar, indeed!
> Here was the downfall of mythology and misinformation --
> the triumph of the cecal pellet!
You're making us blush here, Uncle Paul.
> So that's the story for tonight. A red letter day for
> bunny poops altogether!
Thank you, Uncle Paul, for the bedtime story! No one knows
more about poop than you!!!
Your nephews,
[fading into rapid whisker movement (RWM) sleep]
Charcoal: "It was not OUR FAVORITE BEDTIME STORY OF ALL TIME
but it was a nice one. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ"
Ash: "The triumphhh of the cecalth pellethhhhh ...ZZZ...ZZZ... "
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